The Worst Night of My Life

Before I get to the story behind the title of this post I'll give a little update on our lives with little Addy. Life with Addy has been wonderful, difficult, sleep deprived, exciting, terrifying, and full of crying- from me and her. She's almost two months old but it seems like she's always been a part of our lives and family. I am lucky enough to get to stay home with her and we have had many ups and downs as I try to get her on a schedule and figure out what she needs. I don't want to jinx myself but I think we are finally starting to get the hang of each other. Somedays my hair and makeup don't get done but she doesn't care about that and most days neither do I. We are working on her sleeping in her crib and she's getting the hang of it. She doesn't seem to mind it as long as we keep some sort of white noise going in her room while she sleeps. She seems to like the ocean waves which is nice, at least they are pleasent to listen to when I feed her in the middle of the night. She has been kind of a fussy baby, I don't think I've stood and bounced, swayed, danced or done so many calf raises in the last two months as in my whole life. At this rate I'll have some sweet calf muscles, having a fussy baby is great exercise. She loves to be held and is not a fan of her swing, bouncer, or the floor. Put her down and the wailing begins. I have learned to do many things one handed. Somedays it's all I can do to keep my sanity and my patience in check. I knew being a mom would be hard but I don't think I was fully prepared for it, but I don't think anyone is. However at the end of each day we are both still alive and that is what matters, no matter how tired I am when she gives me her silly little grin I know it is all worth it. She is my sweet baby girl and I love spending my days with her. 

Now on to the story behind the title. Every Friday night Andrew has class so I usually go hang out with my mom and my sisters. Last Friday I left my moms a little earlier then I usually do, Addy had been a little more fussy then usual and I wanted to get her to bed. So we drove the 25 minutes home, got home and started to put things away. I had gotten Addy out of her car seat and tried to lay her down on the floor so I could get something. She started crying so I picked her back up and I am so greatful I did. She sort if coughed/sneezed/gagged out a bunch of mucus. She had been congested all day so it wasn't unexpected. How much mucus there was was the unexpected part, coming out both her nostrils and her mouth as thick as a grown mans. I freaked out a little, and do did she. She inhaled some of it back down and started to choke. I tried to suck it out of her and tried to get it out by turning her over tipping her head towards the floor and patting her back. That didn't seem to help much but it did make her cry so I thought she was okay. But when I tipped her upright again she would choke all over again and struggle to breath. I did this repeatedly a few times trying to clear her throat. She would breath and cry when I tipped her towards the floor so I called Andrew and told him to come home right away we needed to take addy to the hospital cause she was having trouble breathing. I didn't want to strap her in her car seat since the only way I could get her to breath was to tip her towards the floor and pat her back. But right after I hung up with Andrew that stopped working. She started twitching, her eyes were watering and rolling back in her head and saliva was poring out of her mouth. She wasn't breathing, and she was starting to go unconscious. That has to be one of the worst feelings ever to look at your infant and realize she isn't breathing anymore and trying to hold on to her life. I had kind of been freaking out this whole time but now I was in a full blown panic. I grabbed my phone and called 911 the dispatch lady did a great job of keeping me calm while getting my information so she could dispatch the ambulance, I told her what was going on and she had me lay Addy on the floor and start chest compressions. I could hear the sirens so I knew it would only be a matter of minutes before the paramedics got there. She kept me as calm as she could and told me what I needed to do. Right as the paramedics came bursting in the door Addy let out a little cry. She was breathing again. I got out of the way and let them work on her. Andrew came in the door right after the paramedics and all I wanted to do was collapse in his arms. The paramedics suctioned Addy out and hooked her up to some monitors. She was stable but they wanted to take her to the hospital and run some tests. So they put her in her car seat and strapped her to the gurney inside the ambulance. I was able to ride in the ambulance with her and off we went to the hospital. The paramedic had her on blow by oxygen and all her readings from the monitors were looking normal. When we got to the hospital they did some X-rays, suctioned her out two more times and ran some tests to see what was wrong and why all the mucus. It was determined that she has bronchiolitis. It's a viral infection in her lungs common in babies 2-6 months of age. Addy wasn't quite able to handle what she inhaled back down and so she choked on it and it got stuck in her throat blocking her airway. I was kind of expecting them to keep her overnight since she is so young but they sent us home three hours later with instructions to keep her hydrated, suck her out a few times a day and keep a humidifier in her room at night. Needless to say I was a nervous wreck when we got home and maybe got an hour of sleep. I just layed there and listened to her breath. I am still super paranoid and check on her repeatedly during the night and anytime she sneezes, coughs, or makes a weird noise I tense up. I will never get the image of my baby girls face as she struggled for life out of my head. I know it's the mothers plight to be a worrier but now I'm just downright paranoid. I had Andrew giver her a blessing when we got home and that helped calm me down a little. We have had many people concerned for her and for us and I appreciate their thoughts and prayers. I hope and pray something like this never happens again. I don't think I could take it but I guess it's nice to know how you will react in an emergency. But I think I would rather not know.  

First and hopefully only ambulance ride. 

Getting x-rays taken. 

The doctor checking her out. 

Andrew keeping her calm.